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I decided to take the kids to the Sydney Children’s Festival. As we galloped down the ramp after walking from the train station (I took all 4 kids on the train solo!! and none of them jumped out the windows, yay me!) The kids’ attention was immediately drawn to a kaleidoscope of rainbow decorations. Oh isn’t that cute I thought, must be some craft zone for the kids (stupid me didn’t check the Carriage works website before heading out)

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Oh yeah totally the best day to turn up alone with 4 excitement stuffed bags of beans.

I still had no idea what was being filmed, I thought that maybe one of the semi news shows was covering the festival and that maybe a small camera crew would be wandering around filming the kids at play. Welcome to the world of the blissfully ignorant.

Then a man with a clip board broke away from his fellow black clad wire wearing workmates. He handed the kids a flier and invited them to come back at lunch time with the promise of sweet flavoured goodies, What??? hasn’t he heard of Stranger Danger, no luring my kids away with lollies please.

I read the flier. It was for a show called My Kitchen Rules.  The title seamed vaguely familiar, because our aerial is so antique, it’s closest relative is the wire coat hanger, we really only get channel ten. I found out from some other mums who were gradually lining up around me that it was a family show so I said so long to my sanity and told the kids we could come back for lunch with the cameras.

IMG_0949Lani may have been slightly excited when we came back at lunch time.  I turned up in good time and we were near the front of the swarming mass of mothers prams and starving children.

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That was till the kids saw a stilt man and took off. Then a count down began behind them and for a moment I lost them in the crowd. Then the count down began again and I found them but we had lost our spot. Then the count down began again, apparently we as a crowd totally fail at 5….4….3…2…1…and need a lot of practice.

After we were released from counting duty there was just enough time for some last minute crowd decorating with helium balloons, I think they wanted us all to fly away. And then the picket fence opened and we were allowed in. Or more to the point every one in front of us was allowed in, when we go to the front of the line they held a clip board in our face and asked us to wait, oh what joy. Luckily we were saved by a face painting pirate who, after realising her job was currently impossible decided to entertain the kids with tales of the high seas instead. And for the rest of the time we stood there waiting, Eli and the Pirate had a heated debate about the likelihood of her piratey authenticity and whether or not it was breaking the law to double park a pirate ship near the train station.

Finally with a promise to taste every dish first before voting we were let in. We headed straight over to the first booth full of confidence in our ability as food testers, we left that same booth half an hour later with a beaten spirit and two tiny little bowls of meat balls and spaghetti between the 5 of us. The teams in the booths only plate up about 4 servings at a time and wave them randomly at the mass of tiny reaching fingers in front of them, paying no attention to which of those fingers have been waiting the longest. My kids stood there like meek and mild Oliver Twists holding there little bowls in front of them wordlessly mouthing "please feed me"  I tried to convince them to share what we had and make an attempt on the second booth but Eli was determined to get his Spaghetti so he stayed at the booth even when the guy had totally ran out of food and started cooking again. Sabi just wouldn’t last in her pram past lunch time with no food so I had her in my arms as I tried to manoeuvre the pram one handed through the pushing and shoving. I chose to stay by Eli as he was most likely to flip out and I could still see the girls at their little table. One frazzled mother and her Oliver Twist kid must have looked like TV gold because we were suddenly swamped by cameras. They filmed some close ups of us waiting especially when Sabi climbed onto the bench and reached desperately for the food then they got the guy to make up a bowl for Eli and say "Sorry for the long wait son"  The camera man then turned to Eli and said "Now you say, That’s not good enough" Eli just stared past the camera at the man with a horrified look on his face like the guy had just asked him to stab the cook in the chest, then he scrunched up his brow shook his head and walked off. So maybe not what they were after there.

I realised we would have to split up to have any hope of tasting any more. So after leaving the girls at the doughnut people with strict instructions to "Stick your bowl out" and explaining and re-explaining to Eli where I was going I wrestled Sabi into her pram and dove into the crowd. I managed to taste the next booths produce but the only way to stop Sabi screaming hysterically was to give her my spaghetti and just let her go for it, so sorry if you were there and found spaghetti in you hair it is probably my fault, sorry. After another long wait the girls managed to get doughnuts. Lilly must have looked cute eating one because a massive camera on a boom whizzed towards her and a clip board appeared and asked her to take another bite. The poor kid freaked out, refused to eat and practically hid under the table so not what they were after there either.

While I was stuck in the food battle at the 4th booth out of 8 I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder and hear a woman’s voice call "Sarah, are you Sarah Eli’s mum?"

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I turned to meet an incriminating balloon and a balling boy. "We’ve been looking for you all over" said the very proper clip board lady "He was very sad when he realized you were missing" All I could manage at that point was a tired and slightly too drawn out "Thaaaanks" then the girls who had no problem remembering where I was turned up so we tackled the next booth as a family, albeit a tearful and mostly covered in spaghetti one.

The girls managed to get themselves some rainbow sprinkle cover
ed éclair thingies and Lani even got her hands on some chicken nuggets for us to try but poor Eli just kept getting over looked at the sprinkle éclair booth. The the girl serving called out "Oh these are the last four we are making who wants them??" tones of hands reached forward, but I knew for a fact that Eli had been there the longest and he had tears welling up in his eyes. I had to do something. So as politely as I could I said to the girl "Can you please give Eli one of them he has been waiting for ages and he’s going to burst into tears on you if you don’t" "that’s fine" she said as she handed him one and the added "I thinks he’s come back for seconds ha ha I think I’ve seen him before"

HA HA! that was it, I had been pushed and shoved I was holding a spaghetti and meat ball covered baby and my son was in tears again and you Ha ha me. "No" I responded quite curtly "This is the first time he has been here, he hasn’t EVER had one before." then I look up and see a camera right in my face.

Let’s get out of here. We hurried to wards freedom bared only by a row of piggie banks that we needed to put coins in to vote. Sabi was desperate for a feed by now and I was pretty sure if I didn’t let her soon she’d have my top off.

Just as we reached the pigs Manu Feildel and Pete Evans the two judges of the show stepped in front of me and the clip board waving people demand a circle around them. I try to back out figuring they wouldn’t want us in there shot in the state that we were in. But no the circle behind me was impenetrable and I was forced to stand shoulder to shoulder with Manu covering the head of my totally overwhelmed and sobbing boy and fending of the desperate attempts of my Buba to rip my top off. Then the balloons started popping, there had been random pops earlier but that many people squashed into a circle in a concrete room full off helium balloons meant they were going off more often and quite close. A Balloon popped Eli screamed and covered his ears, Sabi pulled my top down and smeared food gunk down my neck and we began to count. And as the crowd began their third rendition of 5…4…3… Eli screamed AHHHG…..AHHHG……AHHHG……and Sabi educated everyone as to the colour of my bra and demanded in a clear voice BOOOB…..BOOOOB…….BOOOOBBB!!!……(Oh ground swallow me now).

They cut filming for a bit, we threw our coins at the pigs and made a dash for it. As we made it out into the sun I heard them counting again in the distance so I can only assume that some intelligent clip boarder reviewed the footage and said "Whoa hang on a minute is that a half naked spaghetti sauce covered woman cradling a screaming boy and a baby yelling Boob, we can’t have that!" so like I said we probably aren’t on the new season of My Kitchen Rules unless it’s not as PG as I was led to believe.

IMG_0961IMG_0959IMG_0967Our Pirate friend.

Have to say though once the tears dried Eli agreed with the girls that it was so much fun and all of them can’t wait till My Kitchen Rules is on TV. 

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5 Responses to “Eli is Looking For Mum” or alternatively why we probably aren’t on the new season of My Kitchen Rules.

  1. kathy says:

    Oh my goodness Sarah- I was holding my breath! I really felt like I was there and having lots of kids myself I know how you felt! Crazy!! Exciting but I bet you were glad to be home again! Your very brave. I was thinking of a trip into the city alone this term (with my 6) but am rethinking LOL!

  2. Tabitha says:

    Oh wow!! Spaghetti covered breastfeeding toddlers probably aren’t what they like on Tv, lol! What an adventure for you guys – though it sounds like you and Eli really got the rough end of it. I hope his sprinkle eclair tasted wonderful!

  3. Sarah says:

    He did, he was as happy as anything about the whole thing later and even voted for the sprinkle people.

  4. Jill Grant says:

    wow,your amasing Little Skin and Blister. I wish I could have watched you all as it doesn’t sound like you are confident to make the show.
    Who could possibly put your brood on the cutting room floor. Don’t they know what little stars they are. (In my eyes anyway)
    Fantastic post, you just need to get some of the footage from the camera crews to add to it.
    Love you

  5. Kate says:

    Wow – what a crazy trip out!!

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