Early Sunday morning police were called after a family member located the misshapen remains of Mr John Thatsallwhywouldyouthinkhehasanothername was located at the bottom of the refrigeration tower in his own place of residence.

After examination of the scene the police have ruled out any foul play. “Mr Thatsallwhywouldyouthinkhehasanothername had a reputation as a midnight snacker and we believe the victim lost his footing while attempting to scale the fridge and simply fell to his death.” said officer Plod

The local member of The Plastic Toys Protection board had this to say about the events of Saturday night “we can speculate from the victims attire, that was not at all suited to the cold autumn evenings, that the misuse of alcohol may have been a contributing factor to this sad happenstance. It is a sad truth that in resent years with the promotion of Natural Echo Toys members of the Plastic Society are turning to illicit substances to drown out their feelings of inadequacy and guilt over the demise of the whole planet.”

A private funeral service will be held for Mr Thatsallwhywouldyouthinkhehasanothername on Monday morning.

No the children aren’t pre loved or thrifted though you could say they were inherited as both Glenn and I used the genes we inherited from our parents to make them. The items that really actually do fit are:

The bookshelf that used to live at my brothers house

All the clothes (other than Lani’s new jeans that she loves because they are skinny jeans like adults wear apparently. Fashionista in the making)

The high chair found in a church opp shop

A lot of the books, Sabi has some from my collection of old bloodthirsty Grims brothers tales.

The lounge, that we bought when we went to a really cool second hand furniture shop looking for a desk. We didn’t buy a desk.

Oh and the house was owned by some one before us but I’m not sure if they loved it.

Then Jonas Dog jumped up on the lounge and I realised he is pre loved too. He was a show dog but they couldn’t breed from him because he has hairy bear legs at the front and his teeth grew in wonky. His owners couldn’t afford to keep him and a breeding dog so he came to live with us.

The sideboard came from Mum and Dads, Dad was going to chop it up to make something out of the wood but I begged for it. I have such an emotional attachment to this piece of furniture. Growing up as a fake only child due to a large age gap and slightly displaced because the rest of ours all live in England I spent a lot of my childhood hunting for relics belonging to my mysterious relations. The side board was full of them, buttons from Jill’s dresses, her GFS badge and faded passport and school photos from both of them lived in the compartments of the top draw. Other draws contained hand made Mother’s Day cards scrawled over in a childish hand I couldn’t fathom had ever belonged to my sister. Photos of my Dad with hair being Karate kicked by a child shaped like my brother and cassette tapes of a boy with a very Geordie accent playing tanks were in the middle draws. The bottom draw was my favourite place to secretly delve into the past, there my urban archaeology was rewarded with cards my Granda sent my Gran during the war and a love letter written on a girls hanky in red lipstick. Sometimes I wish I had a Tardis.

Oh and the TV and DVD player are borrowed does that count?

The cot came from a second hand baby shop, whoa that sounds wrong it was a second hand stuff babies need shop.

All the toys other than the pink Jellyfish that knows how to cook peanuts (sorry a joke between my kids and their best friends) were either second hand from Glenn and I or bought at an opp shop.

Kisses for Dancing Doll this one used to be my sisters and is the oldest toy we have. I don’t even know her story but she is stuffed with stockings. Jill if you read this we’d love to know about her, the girls all adore her.

Kisses for Daddy’s snoopy, his oldest baby toy.

I think she’s trying to eat Worzel Gummidge (I was hooked on the show at the time). I got him from one of those mythical relatives when I went to England for the first time when I was 7 and for a while he smelt of old lady, an alien yet not totally unpleasant sent.   

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